The road to insanity is paved with feces

It's a friday afternoon and I am the only member of my team/group/branch left in the building. There are others here from other teams and other organizations, but very few people are in the building due to the fact that today is an alternate work week day off. I guess that puts me in a strange frame of mind.

I ate lunch alone today at El Pollo Loco. The Combo #1 includes a nice cheezy chicken burrito. It's tastey (after loading on the salsa), but it's also kryptonite for a lactose-intolerant person like myself. When I got back from lunch the timer on my gut bomb was already ticking away and shortly after sitting down to return to work I knew it was about to go off.

Next stop: solitary confinement at the poopoo penitentiary.

I sat down at the nicest, safest stall in the building- a place that is often peaceful even on days when the building is fully loaded. If I had access to a magazine or newspaper I might have smuggled it in with me. I definitely needed it. Despite the inherent dangers, long sessions of gastric discomfort are actually pretty boring. Sometimes I just watch the square brown tiles on the floor of the restroom and make various shapes out of them. Sometimes I pull out my cell phone and play a stupid bowling game that never, ever, ever, ever lets me get a strike two frames in a row. That is total bullshit too. I can do the same exact thing 6 time in a row and it only counts as a strike every other time I do it. It is seriously fucking frustrating that someone would make a game do that. But anyway, that's not the point of this post. My phone's battery is dead. I have nothing to read. I run out of tile shapes to make. I am still at least 10 minutes from completing my prison sentence....

Industrial toilet paper dispensers, like those found in my office building, always have cheap-ass toilet paper. They have the kind of toilet paper that is super thin and requires you to double up on your length estimates. It's also the kind of toilet paper that tears waaaaaay too easily. You have to be careful not to hold the strips too close to the serrated cutting edge or you might cut it off before you have enough to work with. This can be quite hard to do when you are fighting the weight of a full wheel of paper. The paper squares rarely cut off evenly too. There is always a small shred of a square hanging on to the square above it once you are done.

On this visit, I noticed that small shred and decided to carefully remove it from the square above so that I would have a nice clean edge when I decided to start pulling the paper. I took the shred of paper and rolled it in my fingers forming an interesting shape. It looked like rabbit ears. I held it up and made squeaky bunny noises and pretended that I had a bunny that was hopping around the stall. But my bunny had no head. So I grabbed a length of paper and began to create a head-like shape. I squeezed the paper together and applied enough pressure so that the head-like shape remained a head-like shape even after I let go. Then I poked the rabbit ears down into the head-like shape. Now I had myself a cute, little bunny head. But that wasn't enough to satisfy me. I grabbed an even longer length of toilet paper and began to fashion a body. Of course, I had no tools to work with so it wasn't a very realistic body. Actually, it was pretty much just a rounded lump of paper that bore a stronger resemblance to a turd than a bunny body, but it worked well enough for me. And then, with the pen from my pocket, I added one final touch to this creature- eyes, mouth, and belly. It was beautiful. I felt like Gepetto. After thinking about whether I wanted flush him or leave him there for someone else to find, I decided instead to save him and take a picture.